I like that my tumblr is a little more secluded than the rest of my internet happenings.  It feels more calm and peaceful and way less busy than a facebook or a twitter.  Things here get typed out in full sentences and complete thoughts.  It like getting a breakout room at STC all to yourself and watching other students walk by scowling jealous stares.  

Here I can say what I need to, think what I have to and remember what I want to.  Even if it is sporadic…

Dear Future Me,

So it seems as if the people in your world have all started, dating, engaging or marrying and it got me thinking as to what would make a girl a keeper in my book, and to not ever get it twisted or more complicated than the following few suggestions…

in no apparent order…

-if you think this girl is cute w/o make-up, in her glasses if she has ‘em, in a hoodie and sweats, she’s a keeper.

-if she can fart in front of you, and you still thinks she’s cute, she’s a keeper.

-if the girl likes steak, she’s a keeper.

-if the girl finds you so charming, funny and entertaining to the point where she snorts, she’s a keeper.

-if you catch yourself with a stupid grin on your face when you’re hanging out with her, she’s a keeper.

-if this girl challenges you to run after God more than you’ve ever done before, she’s a keeper.

-if you find yourself dating this girl and you realize that God has blessed your undeserving @$$ with a girl that fits the above and all you want to do is praise God because you’re blessed, hold on for dear life, this girl’s a keeper.

Don’t forget stupid,

Present Me

It’s been awhile since residency has started that I can sit down, catch a breath and write a blog post.  Not that anyone reads.  Residency has been fast paced and hard.  Juggling what seems to be a hundred things at once on five hours a sleep a night wears you out and by the end of the week I’m comatose for pretty much saturday and sunday.  I barely get out of the house outside of the hospital.  So even though I’ve been in Norfolk, I only really know the 2 block stretch of road between my hospital and my apartment well.

However this humbling time of being on my own has allowed me to spend quality time with God and enriching my personal relationship with Him.  I’m past the empty “Oh we’ll come and visit”s, however it took me a good 2 months to realize that no one would make the 4 hour drive just to see me.  HAHAH in retrospect I felt so silly believing people would come.  I’d anxiously await phone calls or texts saying when people would visit like an excited puppy only to be let down like a few days later.  Hah! I’m over it (i think).  

This year has turned into what feels like a year long prison sentence.  What did I do wrong???

Plain White T’s - 1,2,3,4

1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words 
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words 
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy 
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words 
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you

man, studying for NAPLEX is harder than ever! 

it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to study for hours on end! and re-learning how to study feels like re-learning how to ride a bike, *sigh*  I can’t wait to get my license and finally be done with all of this.

being a pgy1 resident is becoming more and more real and that scares me.

I am blessed to have the testimony… and there are many like it but this one is MINE! (a la full metal jacket and the marine corps)

and this past week I’ve had the pleasure of sharing how good God is through my struggles at USP in the wee hours of the morning and I find that beautiful.

It’s such a privilege and blessing to be able to suffer, survive and live to share your story of but a grain of sand’s amount of God’s faithfulness.

There is a sense of completeness and peace in my heart right now.  Why? Simply because of what the title says.  God is so good.  I pretty much finished pharmacy school today and after seven years of worry, doubt, trials, growth, laughter, mental breakdowns, tears and blessings, I can finally say that I’m done.  And it’s weird.  I wanted to cheer for myself I really did, but I couldn’t.  It wasn’t me that brought me here, it wasn’t my grades and smarts for sure, I’m not the hottest thing on the block and you don’t become a pharmacist because you’re a “nice guy”, but because God has willed it so.  It’s crazy that my first inclination was to wholeheartedly praise and thank God.  It shocked even me.  My time in college is essentially my walk with Christ to date and high school senior me would have never pictured future me to be who I am today.  This small milestone in my life moreso than a reason to celebrate with others, was a reason for me to celebrate with my Jesus.  A Jesus that I had turned away so often, doubted so often, wrestled with so often, and gotten to know so well over the past seven years, was more real than He’s ever been in my life.  Today was the end of a seven year lesson of faithfulness that if I had to bullet point would be a little like:

~See? It doesn’t matter who you are, I love you.

~I am faithful until the end, even if you are not.

~The world will turn it’s back on you, count you out and leave you for dead.  But I will be here.

~Growth is not easy, growing is painful.  But, it is a labor of My love.

~I love you and I am the definition of faithfulness.

This is the kind of good news that at first brings you to your knees in prayerful thanks and tears of joy, and then you want to jump on tables and shout about it.  This is the kind of good news that you want to tell your friends about and that you want to tell strangers about.  This is the greatest deal ever.

My heart can’t help but sing “God is so good.  God is so good.  He’s so good to me.” over and over again.

God is so good.

Amen? Amen!

I’ve been wrestling really hard these days about my match list, granted it’s only 2 hospitals long, but it is this gaping life decision left before me. 

On one hand, do I rank the hospital in VA? Moving to VA will undoubtedly be tough.  I know no one, absolutely NO ONE there.  I don’t know my way around.  I’d be lost.  It is just a year some have told me, but I’d have to find an apartment, furnish it somewhat and move stuff back and forth at the same time, for “just a year”.  Also, it’s a pediatric hospital though, I love kids and I love treating them.  But being realistic I don’t want to specialize and not be able to find a job.

On the other hand is the ultimate cold foot question of all, do I even want to do a residency at this point? Rotations has been a taxing and grinding process, yes I elected to do this to myself, but can I handle another year more? Of course this all hinges on the fact that either place even wants me, I could by default end up residency-less and on my @$$ looking for a job anyways, that would make life a little easier.

I guess we’ll have to wait til 3/23/11…